Tales & Woes of a Vomit Covered Mother

This is would be a much funnier if I were remotely joking.

Last Friday, Butter got sick. He woke me up at 5:30 in the morning. His bed was covered in vomit, and he – thankfully – managed to get the rest in a toilet or a trash can for the rest of the day.

sick butter

Admittedly, it resulted in a lot of TV & a nap he didn’t think he needed.

i don't need no stinking nap!
Excuse the saltine crumbs on the floor next to him.

Then on Wednesday, I got the bug. It was fine, because even though I nearly vomited at the smell of their dinner, the boys seemed to be fine at the end of the night.

And then Bear woke me up around 12:30 this morning. His bed was covered in vomit & he was screaming at the top of his lungs. He has not managed to get any much in the toilet or trash can today. I had to wake M up to change PJs & clean up Bear while I stripped his bed & threw everything in the wash. After his first change, Bear threw up all over me & then M took the first shift [12:45ish to 3:15] and I got to nap fitfully on the sofa from 3:15 on while Bear woke up every 20-30 minutes asking for a sip of water or Gatorade or a hug or his blanket fixed.

When he got up around 6:15, I finally asked him if he wanted to watch Blue’s Clues. This was our morning.

sick bear

While I took Butter to school and then registered him for Kindergarten [ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!], M hung out with Bear. He managed to get down half a waffle & some bread crust. When I got home, he was standing at the garage door in our laundry room, crying. That lasted for a good half hour, I think.

Then we sat down to watch something besides Blue’s Clues. Did you know Rugrats is on Netflix? It is. And this is what Bear thinks of it.

rugrats are boring.

I must say, though, Bear wins for funniest sleeping position ever. This was after he woke up, threw a fit about how I dared to keep his feet on my lap while he dosed, and refused to come near me after he got down. [Please ignore the voice that makes me seem like I spent the night in a smokey bar. I’m exhausted, okay?! Also: I’m aware this will probably require therapy in the future. We’ll start saving now.]

At present, he’s had three waffles & I think 2.5 of them came up just a few minutes after I sent M a text a work telling him Bear’s fever seemed to have broken. I have watched more Blue’s Clues than any one person should be subjected to [and we’re going to go ahead and pretend Joe doesn’t exist]. I considered tossing newspaper over the last bout of vomit, a la Big Daddy.


I’ve had a fair amount of time to read today, but not really much time to nap. I’m exhausted. I want my husband to come home so I can share all of this with him. But mostly? I want to shower. A shower would be PHENOMENAL.

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