I’m annoyed.

With work, kids, the husband, food trucks, & life. With hectic schedules & never enough time & stress over paying bills. [But seriously, why are bills a thing? Can’t we just go back to a system of bartering?] With wanting to do more in this space & I can’t because again – why are bills a thing? With starting posts & never finishing them because I a) get interrupted or 2) feel like I’m an Olympic gold medalist in whining. [Which means there is a solid chance this post won’t ever see the light of day.] I’m annoyed with those first five pounds, because they’re always the ones that come back when PMS hits.

I’m also annoyed with newer Ford Mustangs because I loathe¬†their turn signals.

I’m also annoyed with cleaning, boys & the fact that they’re so dirty, laundry, & library fines. [When Butter is President, this First Mama is going to gently guide him to his first legislation. And by gently, I mean I don’t care how old he is, I will threaten to ground him & take Skylanders away if he doesn’t do away with money & reinstate bartering as a thing.]

I’m annoyed a large chunk of my friends aren’t immediately available for me to express these annoyances to, because they live so far away. [Bear is already working on teleportation for us.]

I hate that my baby is starting Pre-K in the Fall. I can’t stand that the school system wants to label my bright & curious boy in a quest to get him on medication to calm the busy mind that is always questioning, always coming up with a great idea, & just wants so much to please people. I abhor that my soft hearted child is made to feel bad about his sensitivity because that isn’t what boys do.

I’m annoyed that Comic Sans is still a thing.

But even after this list of annoyances [many which are foolish & likely because I have been awake since 3AM!], I love the people I am surrounded by. Because even when they annoy me . . . I know they do it with love.

Oh, My Son.

We’re purging our house of things we just don’t use or need any more.

When M found a couple of our old digital cameras in a drawer last week, Butter immediately started asking for one. He wanted a camera in the worst way. We gave him the one that was kind of working [it’s taken blurry pictures since just after Bear was born, thanks to Butter playing with the settings & somehow ‘fixing’ it for us] & let him have at it. And then his GrandMom found a great deal on a brand new one [seriously, why wasn’t that one a thing when WE were in the market for a new camera?!] & grabbed it for him.

So Butter & Bear were playing with the camera tonight. It’s not anything they haven’t done before, but when I asked them what they were doing, they said they were making a video.

They got it all set up on the love seat at exactly the level they wanted it to be & God love my children, I looked up at exactly the right moment. Butter was telling Bear to “Turn around & pull your pants down! This will be the funniest video ever!” Yeah, Mom doesn’t exactly agree with you on that one, bud.

I stopped them before they did anything that will haunt them in the future & took the camera away for the evening.

For those of you keeping score at home? He so did not get this from me. Perhaps his Poppy. Definitely his Pop.


On Being Secondary

The moment I became a mom, I became secondary to the person I helped create. And for a while, I was okay with that. Conversations no longer started with, “How are you?” but rather, “How is the baby?” It grew with the birth of Bear, especially given all the time spent in the NICU with him.

I find that as they grow older though, I get a little more annoyed. I don’t just want to be Butter’s mom or Bear’s mom. I want to be a person! Then I remember I’m an introvert & don’t really care for talking to people, so I will inevitably be known this way for at least the next twenty years. I’m trying not to struggle with that. It’s the reason I’ve decided to do the 21 Day Fix. It’s the reason I read a lot, so I can occasionally make an observation about popular books. It’s also the reason I try like heck to keep my mouth shut about Fifty Shades of Grey [please tell me I’m not the only one who finds it humorous that my phone tried to autocorrect that to Filthy]. Look, I know it’s a ‘worldwide sensation,’* but it’s theft & it’s abuse. No means no, Edwistan Grullen. I’m sure somewhere in the very distant future, the boys will appreciate that I’ve kept most of my opinions on that crap to myself. At least they’ll appreciate it not being where a Google search will find it, anyway.

I digress.

I’m trying to be better at putting my needs before those of the kids. Physically, there are times when I need it. Mentally, I need my quiet time to read my Bible & books to make me a more sane wife & mom.

Mostly, I just want to be first in something again. If that makes me selfish, so be it. I’ll be a selfish, happy mom who doesn’t contemplate a bottle of wine when her kid buys breakfast AGAIN FOR THE THIRD TIME THIS WEEK despite knowing how much trouble he’ll be in if he goes against instructions. Did you know that winning a bear because you play a game at breakfast makes Skylanders disappear? It does in our house.

*Dear Internet, someone please¬†invent a sarcasm font. Please. Just make sure it doesn’t look like comic sans. Kthx.

[Written in the front seat of my car, sitting in the garage while Bear naps in the back seat. Thank you, Jesus, for Wifi that reaches into the garage.]