On a Night When You Stressed Me Out

Oh, Butter.

Tonight, I think you plucked every nerve I have.

You squirmed like crazy at dinner. You turned around in your seat, all because you wanted to look for your Pop. You bounced all over your chair at your school’s concert tonight. You got tears in your eyes when I told you if you didn’t calm down, we were going home. You swore to me you needed your book to recite Goodnight Moon, even though I think you knew it before me. We eventually had funĀ  and said the book together, like we always do, but for a minute I thought I was going to lose my temper.

But I can’t.

I can’t be angry with you. Because you’re a little boy. And especially because there are so many families going to bed without their babies tonight.

My heart still aches for those families, and even though I want to be short with you sometimes, I find it so difficult. I want to do more to tell you to straighten up, but I can’t. Don’t take this break in my discipline lightly, kid. One day soon – maybe even tomorrow – I’m going to snap back into Mama Mode, and then . . . Well.

I have to keep reminding myself that you’re a little boy.

You are full of life, bright, and curious. You have an innate need to know things. As I sat and watched you play with your favorite math [Seriously, who did you getĀ that from? It wasn’t me.] game on my phone tonight, it hit me that you are most definitely going to be smarter than me. Probably by next year. You love to have fun, and you’re always up for dancing. In fact, there are people who stop me at church because they just have to comment on the joy you bring them by dancing to the worship music on Sunday mornings.

Every time I think I might cry from how crazy you make me, you say something like, “I love you, Mommy,” or, “When we get [to wherever we’re going], can I have a great big hug?” You like to talk and tell people who don’t know you your life story. I’ve never seen a little boy with as much charisma as you. Just last week, you had a waitress sit down in the middle of a restaurant so you could talk to her about our trip to Disney World.

You make me smile more than you make me cry. Heck, sometimes you make me laugh when I want desperately to cry.

Thank you for being a light in my life.

Love you, Butter. Sooooooo mucher. One hundred times much!

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