Day 19

. . . And I feel like I’m maybe going a lot more insane than I thought I would be at this point.

Little Bear is just 3 days away from matching the length of a stay of a NICU baby that’s featured on the wall leading up to the nursery. As a side note, I should take a picture of the walls leading up to the NICU – I guess in 1998, they took updated pictures of a few kids who’d been there and put them up, along with updates on their conditions. One of them is a year or two younger than me.

There’s still no word on when he’s going to come home. The only thing he really has to do is take all of his feeds by bottle or breast and eat on demand for a day or two before they’ll let him come home. I get more and more anxious the longer he’s in there, and I know that’s normal. It just feels like everything is SO close to being within reach and I’m on pins and needles waiting for the magic words. [“Ready to take him home?”]

Butter’s been doing so amazing with all of this. He asks about Little Bear and points out pictures of him on my cell phone. He asks to go see his brother occasionally, but he doesn’t care for the face mask they make him wear, so he’s only ever there for 5 minutes or so. Now he’s getting his molars and has a constantly running nose and a cough that won’t go away, plus he’s running a mild fever sometimes. If it’s not one thing, it’s another. I don’t know if the two go hand in hand, but Little Bear’s been sleeping dry during naps and he’s gone two nights in a row [so far] of sleeping dry.

In other news, Little Bear nursed for the first time yesterday. I’ve been struggling so hard with pumping and making sure he gets as little formula as possible and I finally feel like we’re turning a corner. I went back to the hospital last night at 9:30 and he nursed again for me until he coughed and decided he wanted to scream at my boob every time I tried to get him to latch again.

So it’s been 19 days since Little Bear was born and admitted to the NICU. There are 19 days until Christmas. I’m really, really hoping it’s not another 19 days before he gets to come home.

2 Replies to “Day 19”

  1. Praying that this week is one he gets to come home, in plenty of time for Christmas.

    I can’t imagine all that you are going through right now-what an emotional roller coaster!

    Much love!

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