I’ve already been up for an hour & a half when I walk into their room & turn the light on. “Boys, it’s time to get up & get dressed.” They both acknowledge me with a, “Good morning, Mommy.”

My hair is still in the towel I wrapped around it after my shower. I’ve woken the boys & given them instructions. I have grand expectations of how well this will go for me. Walking back into my bedroom, I tell M, “Babe, it’s ten after.” He mumbles a thank you & comes into the bathroom to shower after I’ve already started the blow dryer.

Dry hair, brush hair, finish getting dressed. Walk into the boys’ room, fully expecting my four & six year old children to have actually – I don’t know, listened? – for once. They haven’t. Bear is just climbing back into Butter’s bunk [they switched last night, as they sometimes do] after retrieving his beloved Blue Blanket from the floor. Butter is snuggled up in the covers with a book I know he’s probably read seven or eight times. But it’s a book, so he’s reading it.

“Guys, I told you it was time to get up & get dressed. Butter, you’re going to miss the bus now because you still need to eat breakfast.”

“I don’t want to miss the bus!”

“Well you should have gotten dressed when I came in here.”

“Fine. I’m not going to school then. I want Pop!”

I turn on my heel & walk back into our bedroom. I tell M, “You deal with the insolent six year old today. I just. Can’t.”

M, God love him, understands. He had sole possession of the insolent six year old last night.

Lunch has not been made. Heck, the lunchbox hasn’t even been cleaned out from yesterday. There are dishes all over the kitchen from dinner last night. Eventually, I pose a question to M. “Would you leave your commercial kitchen like this?” He apologizes. I appreciate his apology, but this morning, I think I might appreciate more if it actually rinsed the dishes instead of just stacking them in the sink. Again, he understands.

And then, on the drive to work, with Bear telling me the story of the baby who knocked down the tower of blocks he built last night while Butter did karate, I realize something.

I expect things of them. I expect the boys to obey me. I expect M to realize I want him to know how I want things. I expect them to  do these things without me telling them & that is most certainly not fair to them. I expect things to be done without having done them myself.

I examine myself. I leave dishes unrinsed. I’ve crawled back into bed with a book rather than face the day. I’ve been the person whose block tower was knocked down. I’ve been the person who’s knocked someone else’s tower down.

Gentle. Grace. Understanding. These are all words that strike me as I’m reflecting.

I need to be these things.

For them.

New Year, New Stuff

It feels like everyone is doing a new year, new goals, new stuff post.

And here I am, the person who hasn’t blogged with any regularity in over a year.


Well. I’m going to at least make an effort this year. Fingers crossed that that actually happens. Because I’m also the person who didn’t blog about her child’s fourth birthday. It’s totally okay if I go back & do that later, right?

So. How’s everyone?

I mean, is this thing even on anymore?

Absentee Blogger

If you’re looking at your screen, wondering why I’m finally posting for the first time since July, I can’t answer that question for you.

Or, I could, but it would be a really long, drawn out, boring explanation. And no one wants to be bored when they’re reading blogs. Actually, does anyone even read this thing anymore? I would be completely unoffended if no one read my words. They’re not that well put together & I’m well aware that I’m a hot mess.

No really, ask Bear. He alternates between telling me I’m a princess & a hot mess. Ah, three. What will I do when you depart from my life? [CELEBRATE, THAT’S WHAT.]

The truth is, as I’ve stated before, a lot of the things in my head aren’t really fit for the Internet at this point. I’m overwhelmed inside my head most days & it’s not even things anyone else would likely deem “important.” Whatever. What I’m trying to say is, I’m going to try to get better at this blogging thing. It’s not like I’m not on social media. I take lots of pictures I put on Instagram. See? ——>

So you’re going to get a, ‘What I Did on my Summer Vacation’ style post.

  • I saw One Direction in concert. Hush. It was one of the best experiences I’ve had in a while. It was nice to be able to turn Mom mode off & Fan Girl mode on.
  • I saw Dr. Messé twice in two weeks. Only one time was for me, though I think I had him genuinely concerned when he saw me in the Penn Neurology office the second time.
  • Speaking of the Moyamoya, it appears to be gaining traction in the media. That’s amazing. It was on the season opener of Royal Pains [which I still haven’t seen, but I’ve heard they didn’t portray it quite like they probably should have] & just last week, it was on the TV show The Doctors. I read about that one without watching the video, but apparently the woman they had on had a stroke while she was pregnant. I was tempted to shout from the rooftops that she’s not the only one that happened to.
  • Butter started First Grade.
  • Bear started the Fours class.
  • M opened a food truck.
  • I picked up a third job.
  • I read an absurd number of books.
  • I went on a trip all by myself to Nashville & it was wonderful because I really felt I was poured into by the conference I went to & I got to see my bestie.
  • The boys got cats.
  • The cats subsequently drove me mad.
  • We swam.
  • We ran around outside on the ‘tree house.’
  • I realized I don’t nap enough.
  • I apologized profusely to all those naps I refused to take in Kindergarten.
  • I went on a mission trip to North Carolina with teenagers. It was actually a lot of fun.
  • And just last weekend, I drove with the boys – by myself – to visit family in Western Pennsylvania.

Whew. I’m exhausted reading that. I was exhausted living it, too. I should probably add on that I’ve started drinking more coffee, but that’s not true. I still drink the same amount of coffee I did before all of that happened.