There’s a song by The All-American Rejects called Why Worry? and whenever it comes up on my iPod, I laugh.
Because it’s who I am.
Logically, I know it’s not a good thing to do. But I guess I’m just hardwired that way. I worry about everything, whether it’s the state of the house [don’t even ask right now] or leaving my boys with strangers, even if it’s only for a few hours. But honestly, few people have ever seen me in full on panic mode. [Well, unless you were reading the blog around the time I was all, “Will I? Won’t I?” about the surgeries.] It’s such a constant state for me to be worried about something that I don’t even know how to not worry any more.
I know this isn’t necessarily a good thing, but I also know it’s who I am. My husband knows it’s a part of my personality he just has to deal with. My family has basically learned to tune me out, because they know it’s never as bad as I imagine it will be. [Thank you, family, for the support.] That being said, when I tell someone I have a gut feeling about something, they tend to listen to me. I can only think of two times I was wrong. Ever.
The biggest instance of my gut working in my favor? My senior year of high school, we had a trip to France planned. I waffled back and forth about whether or not I actually wanted to go. The deadline for the deposit came and my mom asked me whether I wanted to go or not. I told her no, that I didn’t have a good feeling about planes. The women she worked with were furious with her. They thought she should force me to go because it was the chance of a lifetime. And it was.
That trip never happened because a week into my senior year, on a clear September morning, the entire attitude of the United States changed. See why I trust my gut and don’t mind so much that I’m a worrier?