OMG. I’m going to have TWO KIDS in 24 days.

And I’m not handling the idea so well. [I know I’m late to the game. It’s as though I just realized I’ll be responsible for keeping two kids alive and healthy soon. I promise I didn’t just realize it, but the past few days have been a major test.]

It started with a phone call from M on Wednesday. Butter had broken a part of his car seat [the clasp that goes across his chest], so I went on an adventure to find the replacement piece. Luckily, it wasn’t all that hard to find, and I was able to purchase and have it shipped for under $11. We have a booster seat that I didn’t know was a booster seat until I took it out of the box that afternoon. I’d done a ton of research on the thing and lied to me. I don’t know if I just searched by the wrong item number or what, but when I did the research it told me it had a 5 point harness to it. Whatever, desperate times call for desperate measures and I could always borrow a seat from my in laws.

Butter managed to undo the seatbelt part of the seat – UNHOOKED HIMSELF FROM THE SEAT ENTIRELY IN 65 MILE PER HOUR TRAFFIC – within maybe ten minutes of being in the seat. I pulled over immediately and did the buckle back up, calmed him down [seems the tone of my voice scared him so badly he was crying by the time I got to the other side of the Mommy!Van! to rebuckle him], and away we went to Babies R Us for a filter for his humidifier [and animal crackers, because the price was just too good to pass up].

Fast forward to yesterday, when we stopped at WalMart to grab some diapers [he’s doing great with potty training, but we still have in disposables over night and at nap time – I hope this is his final box, though]. I made a major Mommy Mistake. I let go of Butter’s hand long enough to grab my keys and unlock the car. In the span of that time, he took off running. It was raining and still cars were flying through the parking lot. For the second time in two days, I had to raise my voice to my child and the tone scared him so badly that he stopped [thank goodness, because he was maybe five feet away from being hit by a car] and started sobbing.

I feel bad that I made my kid cry two days in a row, but I don’t. The second time, he was so close to being . . . I don’t even what to say it. I lost it last night on the way to bed and told M, “I could have gotten him killed today.” The fact is, I didn’t. And I learned a valuable lesson. I took for granted that he’d been SO GOOD for me all day and stayed right by me when we were checking out.

It’s hard for me to imagine what would have happened had Baby Boy been here. Would it have been a little easier to chase Butter down in the parking lot? Sure. I have a really hard time moving these days because my pelvis hurts so badly. I would have been a lot faster. I’d have also had Baby Boy to worry about.

I don’t predict any solo outings for Mama and two boys any time soon.